Poem: Midnight Hour

Late at night when everyone else is sleep

I like to lay and fantasize about a life I wish I could lead

I don’t focus on the money, fancy clothes or cars

I don’t even think about becoming some sort of superstar

I think about a person whom I can call mine, whose there for me and I’m there for

Even when they give me what I need, leaves me wanting more

Never getting enough, I want that love that never shifts nor fades

I don’t want a night of passion, waking up alone-wishing he’d stayed

I dream of having the “one”; while others chose to think they met them multiple times

I just want that one man…..that I can know without a doubt is all mines.

Kind, caring, compassionate, sincere, honorable, trusting, and respectful- all key traits

I want somebody to go over and beyond- to the reasonably extent; to make us work & be happy- do all it takes

Not just laying it down in the bedroom, or looking like the king he is- although those weigh in my circumstance

I’m hoping he can embody the mindset of a leader, protector, and provider. I’m not looking for a young child or boy_ I want a Man

Committed to making everyday better than the day before it; giving attention and good at receiving it as well

I realize love is complex; there’s good and bad times-but I surely don’t want to be in a living hell

More than anything, while I’m laying there….alone…holding onto the pillow as if it’s the arms of my fantasy man

I can’t help but remember and focus on being alone. Maybe this is god’s divine plan.

I know I shouldn’t wish for things I don’t want to happen, so I treed softly in the area of love

I’ve tried making decisions involving my heart before, but I’ve failed- so I think it should be determined by the man above.

The lessons learned in the past will transform my future, as well as help me pick better partners

Love isn’t to be played with; it’s what gives us life. It’s an artform

So as the clock strikes 3 am and I realize my fantasy should end here so I can sleep

I regain my composure and don’t let a temporary moment of temptation leave me a lifetime of regret or pain from deceit

Mother to Son.....

This poem been on my mind for a few days now....figured i'd post  it.

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

~Langston Hughes 

No Other Love (The Poem)

I’m writing this from a place deep within my heart, hear my soul.

You see this pain I’ve been feeling somehow keeps resurfacing, I gotta let it go.

I’m aware of my decisions and the consequences they bring,

But I’m at a loss of why I keep trying, keep forgiving.

Reaching out to the arms of those whom tell me they care.

But it seems only when they need me, that’s when they’re really there.

Foolishly I accept this defeat, not knowing that something greater than me

Already raised my hand, and claimed the victory.

You see I’ve been used, abused, hurt, and left for dead.

Excuse me If I seem a little distant, it’s just I’m accustomed to the word “fail”

I’ve been accused of doing wrong, when innocence should’ve been the only things held above my head

The man I sought love, commitment and approval from, never seemed to give me what I asked for

And the lack-luster friendships with those “takers” and “fakers” left me wanting more

I look back at all the tears I shed, the nights I sat wondering, and finally I realized

There’s no other love I need to seek, other than God’s_ he’s why I’m still alive

The only man, who never led me down the road of deception, keeps me grounded

The only friend I have that won’t seek to play both sides of the field leaves me astounded

I’ve been so confused all this time, not knowing what I was looking for what right before my eyes

I cherish this new-found ability to let go and stay clear of those people who aren’t meant to be in my life

Since I only have one opportunity, I only have one option to do my best, to make it right

The devil’s stronghold is no longer on my back- I’m greater than I was the day before

Those friendships, relationships, and other “missed” opportunities lead to God opening his doors

For me, now I understand I’ve sought so much from the wrong people who aren’t worthy

They only sought personal gratification, and ultimately only hurt me

Again, I realize that nothing in this world is greater than the love God has given me

And it may be tough but with my family, and God by my side, I’ll defeat these enemies.

No Other Love (The Prelude)

So many times we as people (women especially) cling to another person or thing (a man) for security, love, admiration, etc. In actuality, everything that we search for in another is already in us through the power of the Holy Spirit. All God asks is that we accept Him and let Him fill that void that we may feel. There is NOBODY GREATER than Him. He will Never leave nor forsake us and that is a promise He has made to EVERYONE. You should definitely let her hear this song if you havent.

1Ginie

What Happened (The Poem)

What happened to the way things used to be?
Seems like I’ve gotten used to you, and you've gotten used to me.
What happened to the laughs we shared?
Times we spent.
I'm walking down memory lane
Trying to grasp ahold of every moment.
My heart is calling out to you, can you hear it speaking? My love is dwindling for you...instill it's lingering
Unfortunate but true, I understand that maybe I’m stabbing myself in the own heart
But I’ve felt this pain before; you were there to create the start
As I push to move forward, I can’t seem to find my own way
I rely on you to blindly lead this foolish girl back to love, and you keep leading me astray
My fault is that I love you too stupidly, believe in something that’s dead and gone
You have no authority to mean this much to me! You abused and abandoned your position, but my love was always too strong
My belief is gone; it hurts to know I no longer believe in us, you gave me no choice
Selfishly you put yourself before us, while I made you 2nd to God and Family only and now I must use my own voice
I’ve waited for return on those words you spoke, but they seem to only bring about more uncertainty
I have enough I’m dealing with, and I don’t need this constant reality bothering me
What you don’t realize right now, I pray you realize as your future grows near
I’ve been held down for so long, by my own actions, I can’t believe I lived in fear
Waiting, anticipating, and hoping that one day you’d wake up and realize what’s in right of your eyes
You spoke it into existence, you may not understand now, but soon you will realize

So to look around at where we stand right now, ask yourself “What Happened?”

I left.

A woman’s prayer

Lord I humbling come into you presence
Asking you to hear my words, acknowledge them holy in your essence
I ask not for material possessions but I offer you my heavy heart
Remind me that it’s not a new year that brings change- but everyday offers a fresh start
Give me a fresh presence of mind, I ask in your name heavenly father
Take away these burdens, which seem to keep behind me in follow
I pray for peace of mind as I travel daily in this world
Remind me that I’m grown now and my temper is no longer that of that same 16 year old girl
Keep me free of the plans of the enemy and keep my path on yours
Place in front of me the keys to success, through these obstacles, show me open doors
Keep my mind and body free from the trials of temptation
Show me that my loyalty to you, my following you- will equal eternal life if I keep pacing
Keep my mouth from negativity and let me learn the lessons that I can without causing pain
And if I fall from grace, let me know that to be saved- all I have to do is call on your name
Denounce my failures, and allow me the strength to get up and try again
If I lose another associate, at least I know that God will always be my best friend
Lift this pain from my heart, the ice and black spots are soon to fade I know
Put those broken pieces back together in your name I beg heavenly father- the stone walls must go
Renew my supply of patience; shine your light in those dark areas that I seem to dwell
Lift me up off my knees when I feel defeated, I will not secure a spot for myself in hell
Prepare me for your blessings, and if my plans are not of yours- erase them from my mind
Remind me that the action of waking up everyday- is enough reason to smile, be happy, to people be kind
Place your hand in mine and guide me as I face my life- another year of schooling and entering the job market due to un-satisfaction
And if you feel that I’m foolish for questioning my own moves- put in my mind all I need to do is keep asking
Your plans are set out for me dear lord-I know- I just wish I could stop being impatience and keep my faith in you
I won’t lie- at times I feel like I’m stuck in this rut, lonely, empty and so confused.
I know I must trust you- you have my best interest inside and that’s something I’ve accepted
And even when my heart hurts deep and tears flow- you surround me with your unfailing love, a family I can count on and strength to keep pressing
Like right now I can feel you hearing my words and lifting this cloud
It feels better now that I’ve spoken to you- feels as if I could run a mile
I pray it’s not temporary, that’s why I ask you to fix me and keep working on me- I know you’re not through
We’ll have these talks daily- I keep your word in my heart and focus on moving ahead
I pray that you order my steps and anoint my head
You made me in your image and I realize that as long as I got you I will succeed
I know that now I must remain strong- and continue to trust in you to get to where I need

Forbidden love (The Poem)

I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone

You’ve entered a realm of me that I never knew existed…until I found you

I’ve been down this road before, only to be lead astray and left empty

Broken promises, lies and betrayal

But all that bound itself to the past, as soon as you gave me what I sought

So much time has passed; and even though we parted- this craving for you is so strong

 Not just sexual, mentally, emotionally, even physically; you’ve reached that part and made your mark

Am I foolish for succumbing to my yearnings? Am I stupid for still holding you so dear?

Maybe so, it feels so forbidden

I feel your lessoning your presence, in an effort to give me an opportunity to experience the love of another

And while I understand, you need to understand. That’s a decision that’s mine to make

I want so bad to enjoy the yesterdays; but I understand that just can’t be

It hurts to know, but I live eachday

- in constant wonder, in momentary fear, and sometimes insanity

What have you done to me? Do you understand the way I feel?

As I get better, I am still hopeful- blinded by fairy tales thoughts of what could be?

Not realizing this isn’t even up to me anymore. I hold on to what I think Is mine

But I can’t have; it feels so forbidden

No one understands my mindstate- I don’t know what direction I want to go in

I just hope that direction ends up in your arms again; but in a better relationship

Those lies, that betrayal- you brought that back into my world

And I did what I’ve done- funny how history repeats itself

I look at what I’ve been through, and sing should’ve, could’ve, would’ve

But we can’t change the past, or push back the time

We can only move forward, and you got me thinking that forward motion- doesn’t include me

My feelings run so deep for you; I feel foolish for being this way

After all this time

After  all that pain

Why does my heart still want you-nothing but you?

He could never feel that void

They could never take my place

So tell me, honestly- why?

I’ve taken the beat seat; and it feels like so much comes before me

What makes me hold on?

Why do I seek something that may never be mine again?  

Guess we always want what we can’t have- it feels so forbidden

Insomniac-tic Thoughts (The Poem)

Complete faith and belief in the lord, yeah I have that
But what’s there to keep me sane; in my sleep I suffer panic attacks
Insomniac, I frequently wake up stay up wondering will this pain and heartache ever cease
Praying for deliverance now; seems like an everyday thing with me
I’m searching for a human being; to put my mind at ease
Hold me & console me and tell me everything’s gonna be alright, I’ll make it at least
Maybe I lack understanding and can’t see that I must allow god to take man’s place
Even though I feel like nobody hears me or understands me. And I’m the only one seeing these tears come down my face
Do I give up on everyone and everything? , leave and don’t look behind me anymore?
Or am I just being weak because what’s happening in my life is more than what I bargained for?
I’m stuck in a dangerous situation, I’m failing fast and I just feel like I need somebody to pick me up
Seems like everybody in my life’s got their own thing going on; forgot about me; or just don’t give a fuck
They say you’ll find out who really cares about you when you’re down and out and in need of a kind word of encouragement
So it doesn’t take a blind man to see in my life whose here for my betterment or my detriment
Yeah I’m reaching out and bitches acting brand new, go months of being social but never to me say was-up
And the nigga’s got a one track mind, seems like the ones I give the room only trying to fuck
Where’s the love; or matter of fact where’s the understanding
I pick and choose real selective, the ones that make it seem to become a corpse just standing
Yes I got my family, but they got their burdens; we stay in prayer to pull us all through
Where’s that person at to help me carry this heavy load? ; or am I supposed to go that alone too?

Soon You'll Understand (The Poem)

Although I must admit I’m hurting; I know soon we’ll both understand
That this decision has nothing to do with me being the wrong/right woman or you being the wrong/right man
It’s about feelings running deeper than we imagined; a break is something we’d both want to pursue
It’s about me finding out what lies ahead for me; and you finding out what lies ahead for you
No I’m not turning the page; I’m just putting a bookmark on this page and moving our book to the side
Titles might physically change; but in every aspect I’ll still always be your ride or die
I stand before you more humble than ever; emotionally distraught but willing to cope
Never hanging myself though; the ties that bind us together; I firmly hold that rope
Never letting go I won’t; as long as you make me one promise to ensure peace
That you’ll be honest, open, and halfway we’ll both always meet
Never be afraid to come to me; understanding will always overrule my emotions maybe not initially
As long as we provide the same love, more respect than before; I’ll never forget how much you mean to me
We’re maturing, at the same time and we’re not on the same level in some ways
But I know god’s gonna pull us through and back together; some form, I know we’ll see better days
And even though I may not understand at the moment; may come off a little bitter and over paranoid
It’s just because I didn’t picture it being this way + wasn’t prepared; but it’s not a negative I feel; it’s a working Polaroid
Woman on the grow, gaining experience in life, love and the pursuit of something real
Scared cause I don’t know what the future holds; all I can do is continue moving; it’s not about the depth of the situation, it’s about how I feel
Can you understand where I stand?, if not please allow me to elaborate
For us to be on one accord, same page, same lane, I’ll do whatever it takes
Let no other person take my place, you know I’ll do the same; just be real with It all
Best believe same way I’m there, god’s there for us whenever we fall
Let your heart stay with me and I promise to never forsake you
I’ll work my hardest to maintain, even while the present seems like something we can’t make it through

What I’m basically saying is don’t leave me in past
Bring me towards your future having full faith that I’m who I say and claim to be

Blame it on the Pictures (Dedicated Poem)

Fore i do not know what tomorrow holds, or even if i'll be alive to see it

all i know is that my heart,

my soul

body

and mind...

have a love for you that will never fade away

i don't worry about the what if's anymore

fore i know in my heart what we have will endure whatever

whereever we are

no matter the distance

no matter the situation

this connection will and cannot be broken

allow me the oppertunity to show you exactly how much i love you....

in whatever situation god puts us in

and i can guarantee you a life of loyalty, honor, respect and a woman whose beside you till death

& even after that our love will continue on in the heavens above us........

Who Are These People? (The Poem)

Who Are These People?

I see them smiling at me, but I can’t help but try to decide
If these “friends” are who they say they are or snakes in disguise
You see, it’s funny how they get real religious when I’m speaking in terms
But once I’m not around, I’m the first bitch “friendship” bridge they burn
Switching sides like lights turn on the concrete street
I don’t know weather they should be standing in my face, or slithering at my feet
I understand how you gonna play your position and play this dirty game
But for you to turn from ride or die to a flaky motherfucker like that; is a got damn shame
Nobody understands Loyalty; Family and a Conscience must don’t mix
Because everybody walking around acting real shifty like they smoking that white shit
Disobeying the code; loving the opposing side but quick to holler and fuss in an affiliation
Makes a confused individual like me THAT much frustrated; I no longer have the patience
Everybody’s looking out for nobody but themselves, ain’t that some bullshit?
First one’s quick to call themselves defending you; knees come falling flat on the pulpit
Their angel wings must be tucked behind those damn horns cause I sure don’t see their good deeds
Living in that fantasy world must really be the way to do; well not for me

Alone (The Poem)

In solitude, can you focus on the obstacles or the blessings?

 Seems like every day I can’t stop the endless stressing

You get up, go to your job, and work hard for a piece of change

You get off and travel home and every day, I end up emotionally the same

Walking into a dark home, never comfortable in the silence

Thoughts running through my head constantly; makes me wish I was mindless

How you go from living your dream, to somehow falling into this pit?

Trying to remain strong, taking care of yourself and home, and still dealing with bullshit

It’s far too much to bare, and sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision

But I gotta look up and find the strength he gives, otherwise he wouldn’t have put me on this mission

It’s hard though, I find myself talking to the bare walls and they seem to have more sense than me

I gotta find my footing, find my mind, or find some peace at least

They say when you don’t appreciate things the lord will take it from you

And to gain it back you have to overcome it, and not let it own you

So maybe his sudden departure set me up for something much greater

Maybe all this stressing I’m doing is something I can look back on and laugh at later

I don’t know, maybe this is what living life as an adult is all about

These are the things you deal with when you’re young, single, and living in your own house

I consider those just the beginnings of my blessings although at times I feel cursed

I look back at these past three years and still feel the stings of a healing heart’s hurt

Alone is what I’ve become, but lonely is what I cannot confuse

Better it be just me, than someone who could take the situation and abuse

Honest to god, I know there’s gotta be a better way to cope

I got faith, I got the legs to stand, and I know inside my heart there’s hope

I just need something to ease my mind that’s in such a fragile state

I know I’m going be moving soon, to where I’m not sure, but alone is not that place.