REPOST: Woman to Woman: You’ve got the power

Found via madame noire



October 22nd, 2011 - By Rashana A. Hooks

 

I know Beyonce told you that girls ruled the world but I’m telling you that you have the ability to rule your own world. You see many of us forget that we have the power to create the life we want. We have total control of our decisions, choices, actions and behaviors. Anything we want we can have – you just have to believe it and go after it.

Ladies, I can’t stress this enough – stop giving your power away to others by allowing them to dictate the circumstances of your life. We have a bad habit of releasing our power and letting our emotions rule, especially when it comes to men and relationships. Our hearts take over our heads and we lose our minds (literally). Somehow we lose our position as “King of Me” and become “King of We”. We lose sight of our individuality and allow someone else to be the cause and effect of our pain and unhappiness. We forget that we have a choice to say yes or no to anything. The truth is you can’t blame anyone else for the state of your being. And you know what else? If you don’t want to deal with drama, you can always leave the relationship. If you don’t want to be somebody’s second choice, you can be somebody’s first. If you don’t want to struggle and live in poverty, go educate yourself for better job opportunities.

 You don’t have to remain in any situation that is not providing you with your needs.

I’m still not sure why we are afraid of change but comfortable with complacency….smh

Guess what? You are in charge of your own happiness.  Someone can add to your joy but no one can give it solely or take it away from you. If you ever feel lost in any situation or begin to feel like you don’t have any control, remember that I told you woman to woman – you’ve got the power.

Want to talk to me Woman to Woman or have a topic you would like addressed? Email me at rhooks@madamenoire.com or you can follow me on twitter @rashanahooks

FALL BACK "The Challenge"

This post was inspired by an article found on Madame Noire (becoming one of my favorite sites)

The Definition of a Mean Girl

Here's a quote for you to marinate on:

"In the Garden of Eden, Adam was a provider and a pursuer. In the book of Genesis in the Bible it speaks of the MAN being the head of the household and initiating the flow of things. When we as women pursue men in any way, this upsets the natural order causing upset and imbalance in a courtship, thus dooming any hopes of a solid healthy relationship being built in the future."

This quote immediately reminded me of the many conversations that I’ve had with both my father and other SIGNIFICANTLY OLDER male friends. It goes somewhat like this

“I saw this guy earlier at my job that I was interested in, he was handsome, very professional when we spoke briefly and I definitely was intrigued to get to know him more; if I see him again, should I go for it?”

The answer I’d get “NO!” now imagine me with the confused face on.

 A few weeks later, I saw the same guy again, we made MAD eye contact, he gave me THE LOOK and it took all of me not to flirt with him, get his number and possibly talk to him more. I went home and in another conversation asked my father “how do men feel when they are approached by a woman?” And his answer went like this “MEN, and I mean a Grown Ass Man feels indifferent when a woman approaches him, she’s almost guaranteed to be labeled desperate, especially if they go out of their way, do extra sh!t to get  the man to notice them- it screams I’m desperate, please please please give me attention”

 I told him to go on

“a woman is a prize, when a man find a wife- he finds a good thing _REMEMBER THAT_ you shouldn’t go chasing after any man, I don’t care who he is, let him be the initiator, allow him to give you the attention, you are what completes him- not the other way around, this is just how it goes” that whole conversation thru me for a loop.

 In this day & age we live in, I thought as a young bachelorette like myself- I HAD TO get in where I fit in; “a closed mouth don’t get fed” right?

it’s enough that I have to compete with the easy, do anything broads/ dudes that wanna be Mr. knock em down/ commitment-fearful/ baby after baby lil boys posing as men and just a era where men aren’t as genuine and committed as those before were. You’re telling me I also have to allow the man to come to me? And just let whom I think I could at least strike up a friendship with pass by? Of course, being a stubborn Gemini, I went ahead and talked to another guy I had been feeling, let’s just say that went nowhere very fast #FAIL.

I’m currently in the process of testing this theory, I’m going to fall all the way back and simply relax;

 I’m going to allow God specifically to have full control over not just my life in general but my love life as well. I have these needs, desires, and wanting for a good man; someone that can start out as my friend, then my lover, than all that to become my husband, lifelong partner and father of our children- that I, in my mortal ignorance believe I can find on my own SMDH. Obviously I’m not too good in that department so as hard is it’s going to be, I’m gonna step back, focus on myself and my relationship with God and put these selfish desires to the side. All of this has been on my mind daily, idk why that is, but it is. My career is very important to me, so is my education and my family- unfortunately I just can’t seem to shake these wanting of a genuine male companion; that’s not just out for what’s in-between my legs.

At this point I’m not sure how it’s all gonna play out but I am going to attempt this.     

I’ll share my results as they come about

Pray for me ya’ll